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instead, thanxs to ford's noxious influence (i'll take any excuse to use that word), i started rereading my first LJ posts. so, what did i discover? it took me a month and a half to deteriorate to the level i'm at now: posting random happenings with no meaningful content or useful information for my future self to look back on whatsoever. silly cymry.
so whatever happened to my goal of using LJ as a constructive tool? it is now a social tool (no, i don't really consider that constructive. entertaining, yes, but not really constructive). i can't tell what goes on in my head anymore. arcanely, i'm useless. i haven't even seen my center in months, much less been able to regulate it and use it as a power source. i don't think i have any grounding left at all ~ my link to the Laurentians has gotten weaker, since i didn't go up there last year at all (or did i? i can't even remember). am going soon though, i swear.
as for what's going on in my life... *shrug* who knows? i've matured (accidentally and against my will) and i can't devote the time to my stories or to the things unseen that i used to. it also struck me reading my back-posts the number of times Anysbryd's name cropped up (at least in the first 2 months or so). why?? it makes no sense. at least i've moved forward in that one aspect, if not any others. i hardly ever think of her anymore. it's better that way, i think.
once i've moved into the new apartment, i think i'm gonna have to reestablish a multitude of links that i didn't even realize were broken until recently (and many that i've been painfully aware were incomplete for quite a while). i need to do some regressions; i need to ground and center properly; i need to shield (massively); i need to talk to my wolves (not to mention figure out how i ended up being followed by a rogue wolf-pack ~ the puppies are teething...).
hmm. glad to know my sense of humor still exists, even if my ability to conjure images has gone down significantly. muses with pitchforks, yes sirreee!
i'm exhausted, but i'm not tired. i think what i really need is an indefinate amount of time off. two weeks sounds nice. unfortunately, i tend to make the most of my vacation time and use it to be *gasp* productive: i go camping, i go on day trips, i enjoy myself, don't sleep, and generally crawl back to work afterwards in far worse shape than when i left. which, of course, is as it should be. and yet... and yet.
alright, i still can't formulate any kind of sense. too many things swirling around my head, but the connections are missing. *runs off to dig up lots of duct tape*
stay tuned, on this same channel, for more random ramblings.
so whatever happened to my goal of using LJ as a constructive tool? it is now a social tool (no, i don't really consider that constructive. entertaining, yes, but not really constructive). i can't tell what goes on in my head anymore. arcanely, i'm useless. i haven't even seen my center in months, much less been able to regulate it and use it as a power source. i don't think i have any grounding left at all ~ my link to the Laurentians has gotten weaker, since i didn't go up there last year at all (or did i? i can't even remember). am going soon though, i swear.
as for what's going on in my life... *shrug* who knows? i've matured (accidentally and against my will) and i can't devote the time to my stories or to the things unseen that i used to. it also struck me reading my back-posts the number of times Anysbryd's name cropped up (at least in the first 2 months or so). why?? it makes no sense. at least i've moved forward in that one aspect, if not any others. i hardly ever think of her anymore. it's better that way, i think.
once i've moved into the new apartment, i think i'm gonna have to reestablish a multitude of links that i didn't even realize were broken until recently (and many that i've been painfully aware were incomplete for quite a while). i need to do some regressions; i need to ground and center properly; i need to shield (massively); i need to talk to my wolves (not to mention figure out how i ended up being followed by a rogue wolf-pack ~ the puppies are teething...).
hmm. glad to know my sense of humor still exists, even if my ability to conjure images has gone down significantly. muses with pitchforks, yes sirreee!
i'm exhausted, but i'm not tired. i think what i really need is an indefinate amount of time off. two weeks sounds nice. unfortunately, i tend to make the most of my vacation time and use it to be *gasp* productive: i go camping, i go on day trips, i enjoy myself, don't sleep, and generally crawl back to work afterwards in far worse shape than when i left. which, of course, is as it should be. and yet... and yet.
alright, i still can't formulate any kind of sense. too many things swirling around my head, but the connections are missing. *runs off to dig up lots of duct tape*
stay tuned, on this same channel, for more random ramblings.
