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sometimes i wonder
Jan. 12th, 2004 12:28 amyou know, i don't think i have any goals. content to float in nothingness for the rest of my life, being productive but not of any use to anyone but myself. i feel no pressing need to publish my stories. everyone always assumes that writing should lead to an overwhelming desire to be published, and admittedly, that seems to be the case for most people. they want to share with the world, expose others to their mastery and wonder. and admittedly, that's an admirable goal. for those who have that kind of ability, i am forever grateful that you went through the process. after all, i wouldn't be able to read half the wonderful stuff i devour otherwise.
and yet, i don't think that path is for me. maybe it's just my fear of bureaucracy, but the thought of having to pimp myself out to publishers so they'll deign look at my little scribblings sends shivers of dread running through me. i can't help it. i want to keep my babies safe, hiding them in my computer where no one can read them and tear them apart until they don't resemble anything that's poured from my brain to the keyboard. these stories are the only thing to keep me sane, to keep me from slipping into a fantasy world of my own design on a regular basis and NOT coming back out.
or maybe i'm just afraid that what i think is good will be considered mediocre at best by the so-called "professional" whose job it is to judge the validity of a manuscript by a three sentence perusal and a quick once-over of the number of pages. *sigh* i'm jaded, and i'm likely being completely unfair to publishers. but you know what? my opinion stands. publishing, interesting as it sounds, is just not in my immediate future. i don't have that kind of energy to spare; the determination, level-headedness, and sheer effort required has defeated me before i've ever begun. yes, i'm weak, and willing to admit it.
( quizzage )
and yet, i don't think that path is for me. maybe it's just my fear of bureaucracy, but the thought of having to pimp myself out to publishers so they'll deign look at my little scribblings sends shivers of dread running through me. i can't help it. i want to keep my babies safe, hiding them in my computer where no one can read them and tear them apart until they don't resemble anything that's poured from my brain to the keyboard. these stories are the only thing to keep me sane, to keep me from slipping into a fantasy world of my own design on a regular basis and NOT coming back out.
or maybe i'm just afraid that what i think is good will be considered mediocre at best by the so-called "professional" whose job it is to judge the validity of a manuscript by a three sentence perusal and a quick once-over of the number of pages. *sigh* i'm jaded, and i'm likely being completely unfair to publishers. but you know what? my opinion stands. publishing, interesting as it sounds, is just not in my immediate future. i don't have that kind of energy to spare; the determination, level-headedness, and sheer effort required has defeated me before i've ever begun. yes, i'm weak, and willing to admit it.
( quizzage )
