a time for introspection.

[cymry]

i've been playing with the Random button on LJ for the past few days, and i've discovered one thing: while there are a lot of young, 15 year old kindergoths and other such nonsense out there, so too are there a whole range of highly intelligent, creative, inspiring people out there who make me wish i was other than i am.

and i refuse to let that attitude take me down.

admittedly, i need to refocus my creativity. i haven't touched any of my writing in over a month, i haven't drawn anything in at least 6, and i haven't designed anything in over a year. i'm tumbling downhill with no roots in sight, nothing to stop my headlong plunge into the abyss that is mediocrity. i hate it, i don't want to be there, yet reality intrudes in such a way that the life i want takes second place to the life i lead. and honestly, i just don't have the courage to jump off the train. the mist is just too thick.

so instead, i must do my best and come to terms with who i am and what i have become. i keep clutched to my chest the dregs of who i want to be, and strive to achieve those lack-luster dreams in the distant land of "some day". for now, i sit on this window ledge and contemplate the drop, look up at the sky and wish i could just float my way up to the clouds. the lights look so much prettier from up there.

i am not what you want me to be. i am not a corporate drone. yes, i am the reliable one, the one who gets things done, the rock in the flood that everyone gets to stand on, dry footed, as i sputter beneath the waves. but that is my honor and my duty, and i would not be complete without it. i could definately do without the self-doubt, however, and the mockery, the sneers, the adversity of the everyday world when faced with a plain, mousy girl who looks just like everyone else. i am who i need to be. maybe someday, i'll be who i want to be.

Comments

[cymry.livejournal.com]

oh my. now that's a tough one. honestly, i wouldn't know who to pick. i try and take note of writing styles i enjoy and utilize bits of them, all stuffed together, plus my own little touches, to achieve the desired effect. perhaps a little Mercedes Lackey, with some C.S. Friedman, Melanie Rawn, and Freda Warrington thrown in for good measure. but i think i'm being optimistic here.

i'm also not at the "attempting to get published" stage yet. for now, i'm still content to putter away at my creations in my own home, without the benefit of classes or real feedback. a few friends and i formed a writing group last year, but it just fell apart due to time constraints. i'm hoping to get it up and running again this summer though, since i managed to get some really good writing done.

as for Sci-Fi, i haven't read all that much of it. who would you compare yourself to, and what kind of Sci-Fi do you write?

[superhobbit.livejournal.com]

I am a very bad writer, in that I have this tendency to write like whoever was the last good writer I read. Sometimes I hit an Austen streak, sometimes Wild Bill. Sometimes Pratchett or Adams, but that only lasts a page before I get frustrated with my total lack of ability in the vein of funny. I usually find myself taking after an obscure British author hight M. John Harrison, but without his sense of otherness.
Maybe that's my problem: I haven't immersed myself in the process enough to develop my own style. Hmmm...