girly.

i'm discovering an ever-increasing number of "girly" tendencies that i had long thought missing. maybe i'm just going soft with age, or maybe i've just never really noticed them before. i mean, my obsession with gowns and hairstyles has always been there, as is my tendency to write fairly sappy stories if i let myself get away with it. i continue to a have a weakness for beautiful women, and have been known to cry at the end of sad movies (or even, as recently nodded, particularly touching tv episodes). i enjoy dance, watch the occasional figure skating competition on tv, and have even begun wearing skirts during warmer weather.

nothing has changed, but it has. i've lost my tomboyish airs. maybe it's just being more comfortable with myself. maybe it's the knowledge that i'll be accepted (at least by one person) no matter what i try. maybe it's just boredom. but it's starting to scare me, especially as my gown-designing tendencies rise to the fore again.

yes, i was the child who enjoyed designing ballgowns and using Barbie as a mudmonster for my brother's G.I. Joe's. have i mentioned the 16 personality thing? i played Barbies, same as everyone else, but only for what i could do with them. Barbies were models for me, not pretend people. style their hair like this, dress them up like that, and it's time to start all over again. i've thought about doing fashion design, but again, the creativity is lacking. i'm too traditional for fashion.

and now i'm just rambling. i'll go to sleep now.