the unexpected.

my total of baby showers attended shall remain at one, since my cousin promptly had her baby 2 days before the shower (it's a month and a half premature). he will possibly be named Dominic.

which gives me a free day. the possibilities are endless (despite having gotten up at noon, which limits some of said possibilities). there's so much i can do, but so little i'll likely end up doing.

the lack of a car is fading, as it always does with winter, since i don't particularly want to be out there anyway. don't get me wrong: having the car would be wonderful, and would, among other things, enable me to do groceries. but if i wait just a bit longer, til the warm weather settles in and the sun shines and the snow melts so we can see the icky black grass, i'll have built up a bit of credit and might - hopefully - manage a road trip. where to? don't know yet. depends on the money, depends on the mood. mwahaha.

everything around me screams out: live your life. and i can't help acknowledging that, to most people, i'm a recluse, ignoring thousands of opportunities every day. but i do what i can, and being a recluse some of the time makes me happy. i enjoy spending long hours on my own, with no company but my computer and all it's myriad contents. i hide from the world, but i've built my own, and it's pretty damn comfortable, thank you.

yes, i'm afraid of living. yes, i'm afraid of dying, if only for the fact that i won't be able to go on living. i'm a wild bundle of contradictions. the duality doesn't help, you know.

i just keep telling myself: things will be different in a few months. just get through february, then get through the spring, and the world will be a different place.

*lol*

months ago, fordcov posted a link to this comic. i read one or two, then lost interest. due to recent coconut-intensive songs, i've gone through the archive. they rock.

highlights:
noobs
the wolf ate him
unboring
winter driving

trust me. i lurv it. =)