a need to write.

since the endless swirling in my brain refuses to become coherent enough to be written down, i suppose LJ writing will have to do. one of these days, i'm going to have to learn discipline. or, gods forbid, how to write.

finished my essay. it's crap. no, really, it's terrible. and you know what the irony of this is? this half-assed, thrown together essay will likely outdo my other 2 well-crafted, perfectly centered essays. my life is one big cosmic joke some days. the only works i've ever been proud of have sucked. i get passing grades, but nothing resembling an A. yet when i hand in things that i've only half researched, wrote while mostly incoherent, and put no effort into at all, the teachers give me praise. it's depressing. makes me wanna give up trying and just float, but that seems like cheating. i swear i can beat my brain into higher functions. really.

5AM Friday morning
Thursday night far from sleep
I'm still up and drivin'
Can't go home, obviously
So I'll just change direction
'Cause they'll soon know where I live
And I wanna live
And I wanna live...

Me... and a gun.