guilt
sometimes it seems like my whole world runs on guilt.
ever since i can remember, my mother has used guilt to manipulate me. before you ask, yes, she was educated by nuns. and my father is a control freak who generally walks all over her, so i suppose she has to fight back any way she can. i'm not even sure she does it consciously - i doubt it. but guilt is her weapon of choice, whether she's aware of it or not, and it's warped me quite nicely. i see guilt in whatever i do or, more accurately, in whatever i don't do. it's upsetting, and dissatisfying, and makes it awfully hard to say no to, well, anything.
and worst of all, i think i may have inherited it.
i'm not sure where this is going. i'm working on it, but it's difficult to break habits you're barely aware of.
meh. tempted to delete this whole entry.
ever since i can remember, my mother has used guilt to manipulate me. before you ask, yes, she was educated by nuns. and my father is a control freak who generally walks all over her, so i suppose she has to fight back any way she can. i'm not even sure she does it consciously - i doubt it. but guilt is her weapon of choice, whether she's aware of it or not, and it's warped me quite nicely. i see guilt in whatever i do or, more accurately, in whatever i don't do. it's upsetting, and dissatisfying, and makes it awfully hard to say no to, well, anything.
and worst of all, i think i may have inherited it.
i'm not sure where this is going. i'm working on it, but it's difficult to break habits you're barely aware of.
meh. tempted to delete this whole entry.
